


The Absence Of You

by girl_next_door_writes



Category: Star Wars Sequel Trilogy
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-12-05
Updated: 2020-12-05
Packaged: 2021-03-10 05:08:29
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,471
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27898852
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/girl_next_door_writes/pseuds/girl_next_door_writes
Summary: When the choice is between the institution he has devoted his life to and the only woman he has ever loved, how will Hux live with his decision?
Relationships: Armitage Hux & Reader, Armitage Hux & You
Kudos: 2





	The Absence Of You

Armitage Hux was never one for sentimentality. Alliances were useful to further ones position or to consolidate power, but other than that they were of no use to him. At least that is what he told himself. Believing that was better than feeling the weight of your betrayal, or the feeling of inadequacy Pryde delighted in bathing him in on a daily basis. Everything he had wanted, everything he had worked for, was falling apart at the seams, and that was because he had allowed himself to be distracted. 

Taking a walk around the starboard side of the ship, where the transparisteel was floor to ceiling in places, he allowed the conversations of the day to wash over him. His feet knew their way well enough and he found himself turn down a familiar corridor that he had avoided for the last few months. Pausing for a moment, he spotted a couple holding hands as they stared out into the beauty of space, and he felt the echoes of the past swirling around him. Soft words even more softly spoken, promises and vows, confessions of feelings and desires for the future. His heart reminded him why he had not ventured this way. A place with such fond memories, now soured. A place where he had felt your presence, now haunted by your absence. Turning on his heels, he strode away at speed, as if trying to outrun the feelings bubbling within him. 

The sun rose lazily over Catonica, illuminating the stunning desert terrain. From his room on the thirtieth floor, Hux leaned against the balustrade of his balcony. The heat of the planet did nothing to warm him, and he knew this break had been a mistake. The rest he had been searching for had eluded him, and the weariness he had seen lingering in his eyes, more often of late, was still very prominent. Only this time there was also a redness brought by the overindulgence of alcohol. With a deep sigh, he pushed himself up from his bent position and rolled his neck, trying to alleviate some of the tension there. Turning back to his room, he saw the girl from the night before, wrapped only in a silken bedsheet. She padded over to him, in what he assumed she believed was a seductive manner, and cupped his face, kissing him softly. The remnants of last nights drinks lingered on her lips, and any comfort he had sought the previous evening was gone. The only thing he could taste in that kiss was the absence of you. This girl was a poor imitation and he pushed her away firmly. “Your credits are on the dresser.” He stated and made his way to the refresher. He could not lose himself in another when the memory of your touch, your taste, your smile all played so vividly in his mind. 

As he showered, tears rolled down his cheeks as a feeling of guilt gripped him, as if he had betrayed you by spending the night with another. All this time and you could still make him feel things, even after you were gone. It was entirely his own fault, he knew that. His own failings, his own deficiencies had pushed you to abandon him. Armitage had devoted his life to the First Order, and now it was something he barely recognised. You had tried to tell him, had warned him that following this path would lead him somewhere he never wanted to be, but he was scared, and that fear came out as anger. The last words he had said to you had been in anger and he could never forgive himself for that. 

Of course, once you had left, Pryde had declared you were a traitor and sent scouts after you, and Hux did nothing. There were whispers that you had joined the Resistance, that you were flying about with that cocky pilot who openly mocked him at any given opportunity. Then there were other rumours, rumours that you had taken your own life rather than let the scouts take you. Armitage wasn’t sure which he would rather be true, but he knew you had been right. He had looked around him with fresh eyes and seen what the First Order had become, and he felt so lost. Everything he had believed in was proving to be false, and he wished he was a better man, a braver man, and had left with you that day. But he wasn’t, and he didn’t. Instead he had stayed to be the whipping boy of a bully and an over emotional toddler. 

Sitting in his quarters, he placed his book down on the table and frowned. It wasn’t that everything reminded him of you, it was more that it reminded him of your absence. The indentation in the sofa cushion next to him was disappearing more and more each day, the scent of your shampoo no longer hung in the air of the refresher. Your favourite mug had slipped to the back of the cupboard and the gaps on the shelf where your favourite books had once lived were left unfilled. He had long since stopped sleeping in his bed, the cold space beside him that was exactly the size and the shape of the absence of you, stole his sleep and left only a deep despair. He no longer cared who won this ridiculous war, he just knew he wanted Ren to lose. Ren and Pryde and all of them who had taken his vision for a perfectly ordered galaxy and turned it into this abomination. Anger was easier for him to hold on to, it kept him from lingering on the loss his heart felt.

This anger fuelled him to do something he had never thought himself capable of. He began passing information to the Rebels. Each undetected interaction was like a personal win for the General, especially when he saw it irritated Ren. What he hadn’t expected was to take a more ‘hands on’ approach when that pathetic pilot and traitorous trooper had managed to get themselves caught. Even their surprise that he was the spy had irked him.

As he lay on the floor, the blaster shot fresh in his thigh, he scowled up at Finn. He knew this was a death sentence, that Ren suspected. This is where stupid bravery got you. 

“Hey, Finn, what are you..?” You appeared behind the man and froze, looking down at the man you had loved so ardently. He looked tired and dishevelled and lost. “Did- did you just shoot him?” You asked your friend in disbelief. “He just saved your arse and you shot him! Kriff sake! Get him up and onto the ship.”

“He said…” Finn began to explain but was met with your icy stare.

“I don’t care what he said, he is coming with us and I am not going to take any arguments from either of you, now get him on his feet and into that ship or so help me I will throw him over my shoulder and stagger there myself.”

Armitage felt the corners of his lips twitch up, you hadn’t changed at all. As Finn helped him to his feet, he couldn’t take his eyes off you. He had believed he would never see you again, was prepared for his inevitable death, and yet here you were, bossing him around. Getting to the ship was painful, but he had a very high pain threshold thanks to the many years of abuse, and once Finn got him inside, he slumped in a seat.

“Seriously?” Poe looked at you with a raised eyebrow and you rolled your eyes as you shut the cargo bay door. 

“Get us out of here, fly boy.” You called as you grabbed the med kit.

“He’s really coming with us?” The pilot asked, looking from you, to Hux, to Finn, as Chewie passed him and headed to the cockpit.

“You’re asking two people who defected from the First Order, if we’re bringing along the guy who has been feeding us important intel and risking his life to help us, if we’re bringing him with us?” you sassed and Poe shrugged, turning to follow Chewie. 

“Why?” Armitage asked you softly, and you turned to face him.

“Because I should have just knocked you out and taken you with me when I left. Turns out, freeing the galaxy of an evil tyrant means nothing, if you’re not here with me.” Crossing over to him, you tighten his seatbelt before strapping yourself in beside him. Tentatively, he reached over and took your hand, interlacing your fingers, and that ‘you’ shaped hole he had been living with disappeared, filled by your presence and a silent promise that the two of you would never part again.


End file.
